Adelaide's first birthday was this week. Her Aunt Margaret, Uncle Tony, and grandparents threw her a birthday party full of love and monkeys (and giant zoo animals - check out the photos!). She rejected birthday cake (too sweet!), chatted up a storm, and charmed everyone.This weekend Joe and I thought a lot about what life was like this time last year. Everyone says it goes so fast, but that's only half true. Last year seems like so long ago - back when our apartment was big enough and it didn't matter if we tracked in leaves, my body was distorted and foreign, before the nebulous shape inside me was full of distinct personality, when we had no idea what a challenge it would be to create space in our lives and our relationship for another family member.
Now everything is different, and at times I long for the freedom to be lost, cold and hungry in the mountains, or go for an all-day bike ride, without being tethered to a hungry demanding little being. We adamantly refused to let her 'interfere' with our lives, taking her absolutely everywhere, at least at first.
But slowly things have been changing - I have become infinitely more patient (though I've a long way to go) and less mobile, learned that 'momness' really is biologically programmed, and have succumbed to more stereotypes than I've defied. I've realized for the first time that my parents had a relationship of their own before I intruded on it, and that Adelaide has no idea that her parents matter to each other. I've come to believe in unconditional love at first sight.
This year has been significantly more trying than I ever imagined, but I've repeatedly been shocked at how fun it is. I am constantly amazed how much I love my tiny girl, and how rewarding it is to spend time with her - time flies by, just like falling in love. I am so proud of her little achievements, and her frustrations, and I wouldn't trade her for a world full of freedom or endless powder days. I can't help mourning that this first year is over, but I'm so excited to watch her grow, improvising together as we go.
